SUFFOCATION:
Failed attempts to.
By the overwhelming nature of things I can't seem to fucking control no matter how high I am or what goals I set or how I restrict myself.
Fingers pushing against my trachea. Stay closed. Please.
But I still gasp. My body fights against me. Why can't I ever win? Why can't I ever follow through?
Ok, Michelle. No more of this (Exhibit A). You want to be this (Exhibit B). No control. No resistance. No power. Failure. Fuck.
You did it once but can never seem to go back. You're so weak. So pathetic. So susceptible. You sicken me.
Don't smile. It's ugly. Run away. Don't let any part of you be captured. Cringe. Gag.
Gag.
Stop this. I've talked to myself that way for years and I came to a horrible place. You're more amazing than you realize, we all make mistakes. even really horrible shameful ones.
ReplyDeleteBreathe. Thank God for another day. Thank YOURSELF for all you've made it through. And stop beating yourself up.
It's not worth it. Believe me.