Michelle, please don't let this newly ignited passion leave your heart. Don't forget this calling and longing. Please, don't fall back into the pit of sin. I hate that place so much. It's so empty and lonely and foggy and broken. I don't want to go back. Lord, please hear my heart. I want to change. I want my life to be different. I want this year to be so completely different. There is so much more to life than partying and trying to make people like me or my sorority or any of that. Why is it that I completely forget all of this when I get put in a sin-filled situation? Why have I become so weak? I feel like I am not built on rock anymore. I want my solid foundation back more than anything. I want to fully trust in the Lord. I need to surround myself with people who will encourage me to be the person that God wants me to be. I'm so tired of struggling. I'm so sick of being embarrassed to go to church because of the double life that I've been living. The time is now. I can't keep ignoring the call of God. But I have to be honest and admit that I don't want to be judged by the friends that I've made. I'm scared to lose friendships, but I know that if I do lose them, then they weren't worth having in the beginning. I don't want to be stuck in the muck of SMU. I want to rise above. Lord, please help me do this. I can't do anything without you. Build me up so that I can go out and tell the world of how beautiful your love is and make an impact on the world. I know that you have a purpose for my life and I need to start living for that.
[The Den Blog] The post from today is exactly where I'm at. It was almost eerie when I read it.
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