I just felt like writing random thoughts instead of a coherent post...

brain-washed

I've been brain-washed...
When did this happen?
Was there a certain event?
Did the swishy, torrential flood come from something someone said one day?
Who am I?
What are my values?
Where is my self-assurance?
How did judgment, status, obsession, materiality, labels, facades, and this new desperate need of affirmation from those completely unworthy of voicing their ignorant, ruthless opinion become a part of everyday life?
What happened?
Why?

Can I please go back to freshman year when I held my own strong beliefs and stood on a strong ground and didn't cling to the sinking-sand misery of petty petulance that pervades the air of this snobby university?

What a waste of thoughts...

None of this matters at all...... It's all ridiculous.

Can someone please shake me and wake me up?

I absolutely couldn't stand people's attitudes and passive-aggressiveness...

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand how people can be so incredibly immature in the way that they deal with events, situations and people in their life. I suppose I have to step back and realize that people are seemingly completely sheltered with respect to the real world that surrounds them and the fact that they are obvious to the reality that in this life, there are tragedies that extend FAR beyond any ridiculous, petty annoyances that life inevitably brings. It truly is mind-boggling to see these kinds of people behave. But hey, there's nothing I can really do about it besides continue living my life and continue loving others and the Lord.

Anyway, this weekend has been pretty epic so far. This semester I am fortunate enough to have a minimum of 3 day weekends the whole time. No Friday class. It's absolutely glorious. I didn't really utilize my Friday very well this week but it's okay. I know that this Friday will be better. The sisterhood events that I planned all ended up being very successful! I was so happy that everyone had fun at them. A TON of girls showed up to the Senior Sundaes event and same with the Sophomore Spa night. So after spa night we had a BET vs. CMT party where I won best costume for my ghetto fabulousness. It was a great night. And then last night we had Bid Night with Beta which was also a ton of fun. The club that we went to was a super cool venue and the DJ was great and it was just an all-around fun night for all. The babies looked gorgeous as usual and we all got a nice leg work-out from doing work on the dance floor.

Today so far I've showered, am currently doing laundry, tutored for 2 hours, and now I'm about to delve into some serious reading time. Well it's a little past 4 so I should get started on that so I can keep track of my study hours to submit for scholar dollars. I'm determined to be on top of that this semester :)

I didn't blog for FOREVER...

Oh goodness it has been so long! I have been insanely busy since I last posted which was the end of the 2nd day of Open House for rush. SO much has happened. Skit day went really well. It was packed with energy and fun. I had a blast dancing in it and the Glee theme turned out amazing! Then there was Pref night, my personal favorite night and also the night that made me want to be an Alpha Chi. It's such a special night for every Alpha Chi because we are able to expose our true colors and reveal the strength of the bond of our sisterhood. Like, it honestly sounds so cheesy but I'm being incredibly sincere. When we sing, "It feels like Home to me" I mean it with all my heart. Alpha Chi Omega is my home and that is the one thing that I wanted to effectively communicate to girls going through rush. I want them to see the love that we share for one another as sister and want to be a part of it. This Pref night was especially important because it highlights the seniors and my big, Anna Lee is a senior and is going to be graduating this semester. I'm gonna miss her so much. She's the best big I could ever ask for. I love my family :) That means my little, Marlee too! Then.... we got the best news ever on Bid Day with the announcement of all our new, BEAUTIFUL, fun and perfect little Alpha Chis. We got such a fantastic pledge class and it makes me beam from the inside when I think about it. These girls are gems! I already love every single one of them to death! I got so excited about them that I took my position of sisterhood chair to the max! I planned a TON of amazing, fun, sisterhood events for this next month and a half. We just had one tonight which was Junior Drive-In night. Basically it was the Junior class pairing up with the new members and the plan was that we were all going to go see Leap Year at the drive-in movie theater in Ennis which is about 45 minutes away. However, there was an extreme amount of unforeseeable traffic, therefore, half of the group ended up at the drive-in and the other half, including me, ended up at Northpark AMC theater. It was still sooo much fun. Oh and the other day we got a HUGE group together and went to Ozona's for dinner. We had a table of 40+. It was fantastic, and then we all went out together to an apartment and then M Street. It was so fun to go party and dance with the babies. Also this is the first week of classes and so far they haven't been too bad. I just know that it is going to be an extremely tough semester, especially with my Intermediate Accounting and Finance courses. But I'm sure I will survive. This week is going to be so much fun, I can't wait. I will keep blogging every day so I don't get too behind like I did this time. Alright it is definitely bedtime. <3

I was completely insulted by someone I literally just met...

Alright well I might lightly touch on the subject that I addressed in the title but for now let's rejoice and smile at the fact that the 2nd day of Open House is over and everything was successful. I've really been enjoying meeting new girls all week. It's actually been a very enjoyable process. I always get so nervous before the first party but then I realize that it's not a big deal and that conversations with people aren't something that I need to dread or bite my nails over.

I activated my new replacement phone today. It's so nice to have a phone that doesn't turn off in the middle of text messages anymore. It's so convenient and less frustrating. And it also looks nicer because the silver rim around the edges is now intact instead of black from the pieces that flaked off.

I got to eat BuzzBrews today for lunch which was delicious as always and I had my usual cup of Chai Tea Latte, which is unsettlingly good there. Then after rush activities today the quad and I went out to dinner at Mi Cocina, but I decided to eat before so I could save some money and I just got a $1.50 cup of their delicious rice. It was a very pleasant day, which ended on a bit of a sour note. People need to get over themselves and stop being selfish, egotistical pricks. Ugh. It's so unappealing. Anyway, all of my quadmates have turned off their computers and lights so that's my cue to go dry my hair and get ready for bed.

Goodnight moon.

once again, Mallory Nutt inspired me...

Well my Lovely Bones book just got spilled on. Unfortunate times. But other than that, this day has been exceptional. The mornings are the only thing that gets me. I'm just so exhausted all the time, and yes, I know that I bring it upon myself by staying at friends houses till the wee hours of the morning but I need it. I need the male interaction and the relaxation. Me, Nicolette, and Banta have been going over to Seth Thomas's house to hang out, drink cider and watch episodes of True Blood. It's been absolutely lovely. But to counter this I have been using every moment to nap. Even during a snack break I'll run to my room and jump in bed hoping that no one will notice my absence, however I am always discovered. But pride week has been utterly fantastic. Everything has been going so smoothly, it's been extremely enjoyable and efficient. Today I had a ton of laughs with Mallory during lunch. She explained in her post about how we were goofing off and we fell on the floor in line for food and everyone looked at us like we were crazed freaks haha. It was magical. This afternoon we performed our skit for our alumni, friends, and family. It went so well! I'm so glad that I finally have the dances learned, but I still feel inferior to the rest of the dancers since they have so much experience but everyone's been telling me that I fit right in and that I'm doing a great job. But seriously I think they are just being nice and honestly, even though they're probably just saying it to make me feel better, I appreciate the support.

Tonight after the skit preview, we got to mingle with alumni and hang out, which was so nice. I love that actually know a lot of the alumni, but it makes me feel sort of old. I can't believe I'm going to be a senior next year. i don't want to leave. I know that I'm definitely going to be coming back to Alpha Chi to watch the skit after I graduate. So anyway, after that Banta, Mallory, Nicolette, Bridgette, one of the nationals advisors, Courtney, and I went to dinner at Buca di Beppo together and it was absolutely delectable! Also affordable and extremely filling. It was a lovely evening filled with story-telling, laughing and bonding. Courtney is freaking fantastic. I wish she could be around all the time.

When we got back from dinner I walked into the TV/sitting room and saw that they were watching Glee, a show that I've yet to see. A side note, our skit is Glee themed, and until today I have only somewhat understood and appreciated the skit for what it is. But after seeing 3 episodes I am now, a) HOOKED ON THIS SHOW!!! and b) completely in love with our skit and it's extreme similarity to the performances in Glee. I'm so pumped and I can't wait to watch the first 10 episodes since tonight I watched 11, 12 and 13. I finally understand what the hype was about this show. It's sooo good.

I'm pretty excited for Recruitment to begin. I feel ready for it this year and not as completely terrified and nervous as I was last year. I think it's gonna be a blast and I'm so excited that I get to be a part of the skit this year. I love to perform even if I don't have that much talent, I do have enthusiasm.

Alright well I'm gonna go call my mama. I haven't talked to her since I left home on Weds. Kinda weird...

me and the quad were listening to Banta tell us random facts about the world...

The quad is complete hilarity right now. Banta is sitting here telling us random facts from some website and some commentary along with it. She's about to do an undocumented Snuggie dance. "Put your phone camera down." WOW that was actually life changing. Banta's Snuggie dance just changed my freaking life. Literally, hands down, one of the most hilarious things I have ever watched in my life. She wanted my attention so bad. She was getting all pouty when I wasn't watching her dance. It was precious, sad and hilarious all at the same time. Alright well Pride Week has been great so far. It's been so much fun getting to hang out with my sisters 24/7. This is the best. Tonight we got to go to Whirly Ball aka bumper cars + lacrosse + basketball = glorious!! So great. Until I got slammed into the side of my bumper car and I got a giant bruise on my hip. Oh and we've been doing a lot of skit practices and the dances are so fun this year. I love working with the other dancers. We've been having so much fun. I know I keep saying that but I truly mean it. I'm so happy and content and cheerful when I'm around my sisters. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy but it's true. Anyway, I really gotta get some sleep before tomorrow. We've got another full day ahead of us!

it was my last evening in California for a long long time...

This is probably going to be the longest amount of time that I am going to be away from home. A) I'm probably going to go somewhere different for Spring break. Ideally I'd like to go on a mission's trip because it's something I've wanted to do for so long, but I'm not sure how to go about planning for that. Maybe I can organize my own group. That would be strangely ambitious of me but you know, I'm feeling like this is going to be a courageous, boundary breaking year, ambitious kind of year. Oh and back to my list... B) I'm going to summer school for June so I won't be back till July 1st. It's so strange that Christmas break is over, well technically it's not because we still have pride week and then recruitment, but still these three weeks went pretty quick. I'm so excited to be with all my sisters again. I missed them so much. I also miss Dallas. It's so much fun there. I'm so over the valley.

I have so much packing to do but... since I'm not leaving till 3:40 tomorrow I'm putting it off. I hate packing more than anything. Well that's a lie but it's near the top of the list. Right now I am so content. I just finished a delicious cup of Earl Grey tea, I'm sitting on the couch with a blanket on, and I'm watching one of my favorite movies, aka Garden State. It's sooo good! Especially the soundtrack. Speaking of soundtrack, I've been downloading a bunch of songs lately. They're so good and I just bought new headphones, real ones, not those retarded ear bud things that never fit/stay in my ears. I have disabled ears, I'm convinced of it. It's so annoying. But anyway I bought some sweet Phillips street style headphones so now I can go to the gym when I get back to school and listen to my music or TV shows while I run on the treadmill. I'm so excited. Music is so motivating for me. Even at work. I just get so much more done. I'm so excited to hook up my iPod in my car too! :D.

I'm too immersed in this movie to concentrate on blogging :)

I decided to write twice in one day...

Alright so I haven't really gotten to spill all the things in my head yet today. My post earlier today preceded a very uplifting and encouraging phone call that I had with my lovely quadmate Mallory Nutt. That girl is an angel and I don't know what I'd do without her. I'd probably keep a lot more of my innermost, important thoughts inside and I'd laugh a hell of a lot less. She is one of my only friends that I can actually talk to about things that are important like goals, life paths, perceptions, God, dreams, etc. There is also Breann who I've recently gotten back in touch with. But seriously I really can't think of too many people that I can be that open and honest with and who will, in return, support me, encourage me and partner with me. I'm so thankful to have her in my life.

Alright onto another completely different topic, I WANT TO TRAVEL AND EXPLORE THE WORLD!! My friend Tyler Williams and his friends did it last summer (This was their blog) and are doing it again this summer. You have no idea how badly I want to do that! There is so much to see and explore and there are so many opportunities to change the world out there. I have such an itch to do so! I'm really hoping that next summer after I graduate I can go on a crazy trip through Europe and maybe even Egypt or something awesome like that. I just want to learn, grow, explore, and impact! I wasn't created to sit around, be lazy and do nothing. So who's with me?

I became overwhelmed with the message that God has been putting on my heart for so long...

Michelle, please don't let this newly ignited passion leave your heart. Don't forget this calling and longing. Please, don't fall back into the pit of sin. I hate that place so much. It's so empty and lonely and foggy and broken. I don't want to go back. Lord, please hear my heart. I want to change. I want my life to be different. I want this year to be so completely different. There is so much more to life than partying and trying to make people like me or my sorority or any of that. Why is it that I completely forget all of this when I get put in a sin-filled situation? Why have I become so weak? I feel like I am not built on rock anymore. I want my solid foundation back more than anything. I want to fully trust in the Lord. I need to surround myself with people who will encourage me to be the person that God wants me to be. I'm so tired of struggling. I'm so sick of being embarrassed to go to church because of the double life that I've been living. The time is now. I can't keep ignoring the call of God. But I have to be honest and admit that I don't want to be judged by the friends that I've made. I'm scared to lose friendships, but I know that if I do lose them, then they weren't worth having in the beginning. I don't want to be stuck in the muck of SMU. I want to rise above. Lord, please help me do this. I can't do anything without you. Build me up so that I can go out and tell the world of how beautiful your love is and make an impact on the world. I know that you have a purpose for my life and I need to start living for that.

[The Den Blog] The post from today is exactly where I'm at. It was almost eerie when I read it.

I made a commitment to be different in 2010 but made sure to go balls out on the last night of 2009...

Yeah, it's safe to say that last night was freaking great. I got to go to Paul Rodriguez's birthday party. He's a pro skater, but he is not cocky at all. He was so nice and everyone at the party was so fun. It was great. I loved calling up my quadruplets (I'm keeping this nickname. love it) and hearing/sharing details about our respective, wild nights. However, my blog doesn't not require details, especially about the end of the night so we'll just move on... Let's just say it was a great way to close out the year and that part of my life.

Today I woke up feeling the after effects of my night but nonetheless I had a great day. We had a Rose Bowl watching party at my house today which my mom planned but then wasn't here for because she ended up getting 2 last minute tickets to the game and took my Aunt Janet with her. She went to Ohio State and was sooo excited. She even went to the pep rally yesterday at Venice Beach. So precious. But anyway the party here was really fun, the game was great and the Buckeyes won making this a great day for all.

I just got back from having dinner with Chantel and some other friends at Buffalo Wild Wings. Delicioussss but not exactly the best thing for an unsettled tummy haha. I ate one of Chantel's Mango Habanero wings and it was so hot that it made me cry LOL. Thankfully I washed it down with delicious mango lemonade. Oh and they have the most amazing potato wedges. Oh my gosh so good. You know what I hate most about going out to dinner with friends? You always end up paying sooo much more than if it's just you and another person. I don't know how it happens but it does.

Now I'm going to a movie night at Evan's house with Frosty and some other people which should be lovely. Yay 2010 and Happy New Year!