I couldn't title a post because too many ideas were swirling around in my head...

I know that I said I wasn't going to write in here anymore, however I feel like I have no choice. I have things on my mind that are heavy. Things that would probably make other people uncomfortable if I walked up to them and started talking about them. And since I know that most people don't read this, it feels like a safe place to open up. So we'll start with some good updates first. I had a really great, eventful weekend. Friday we had an awesome sisterhood event at Neiman Marcus. It was a Dior makeup party. I bought some sweet blue mascara, which I am currently sporting. Then after the sisterhood event, I spent a ton of money getting waxed but oh boy it was so worth it. Smooth legs for at least 3 weeks possibly a month. Fantastic. Then after that I got to dance the night away with my sisters, Gretchen, Ashley, Kassi, Erica & Bridgette at the Pitbull concert at the House of Blues. It was super fun, minus the hours we waited to watch him perform. Then Saturday was fun. Just a relaxing day. Hung out with people, tutored and then got ready and went to the game with my sisters. It was such an awesome game to watch and we WON which is incredible. Then we all went to Snuffers afterward and ate all kinds of delicious food that shouldn't have been eaten that late at night but hey, it's vacation right? Then Sunday morning I got up bright and early to finish packing for my trip to Joe's house in Lawton, Oklahoma with Ronnie, Tyler, and Scott. It was a blast. His family was so nice and his mom was the BEST cook. Oh man.. soo good. We went on all kinds of adventures, a couple trips to the casino where I watched all the boys gamble and I played the part of lady luck. They won soo much money it was ridiculous! I then decided to come back a day early so that I could get stuff done today because I'm going to have a very busy week with Dad's weekend and all. Speaking of that we can start transitioning into the point of this whole post, which quite frankly isn't to update the world on the events and activities that took place during my weekend. Basically I'm just going to dive right into it. While sitting in the backseat of the car, late at night with rain drops streaking across the side windows of Ronnie's Mustang, I began thinking about this week and what it means and the juxtaposition of certain events and certain days, mainly tomorrow, the 14th and this weekend which happens to be Dad's weekend. Tomorrow marks 6 years of my life that I have lived without my father. Six of, in my opinion, the most defining years of a girls life. I was only 14 when he took his life. He missed out on getting to know who I am. As a 14-year-old girl, I didn't know anything. I was completely naive and only cared about me, me, me. I didn't want to bother getting to know the two people who had raised me to be who I am. It just makes me so, so sad to think about how much he has missed. That six years have been able to go by. Then I sit here and seesaw between the feelings of deep sadness and red-hot bitter anger. "Why did he leave?" "I miss his laugh" "He never got to know me and didn't care to" "I wish I could fly him to SMU for Dad's weekend" It's just a lot of mixed up emotions and as soon as I start getting sad I remember that he left and it was his choice and I get angry. I almost say to myself, "Well thanks for nothing, asshole. Thank goodness I have Craig to pick up where you left. Where you failed." And I really really am thankful and immensely blessed to have Craig in my life. He has been an amazing father to me and I have so much fun with him. We've had several times where we have just been able to sit together and talk about life and bond. He has been a really special and important part of my life. So tomorrow I am conflicted as to the way I should respond, what I should do, how I should feel. Anyway, I really have to start working on this research paper. I'm definitely behind.