I decided to justify writing in my blog as a homework activity...

Alright so I haven't written in here in ages mostly because of how weird I was feeling about the whole idea of having a blog but also because these have been some of the busiest, most stress-filled weeks of my life. And this upcoming week is going to be ridiculous, I repeat, ridiculous. Yes, it's what you think.... HOMECOMING WEEK. And of course being the pile my plate way too high kind of girl that I am, I decided that I would be the homecoming captain for Program Council and do all the planning, sketching up ideas, delegating, purchasing of materials because of course I have so much spare time on my hands... or not at all.

Alright so I'm really bad about leaving in the middle of a post. I was writing this post last night and then gave up and decided to facebook. I feel like it's such a task for me to just sit down and do something. Just DO IT. Get things done. I have such an issue with that. But that's another topic for another time. In a later post I'll tell you about a rant I had about life and the dissatisfaction that it brings, inspired by a post by Bekka Gunther.

Oh my goodness. I just started doing it again. Here I am right now sitting in Business Law class, not paying attention, yet again. I don't understand why it is that I cannot be prepared for class and then pay attention in class. I make myself so mad when I don't apply myself and when I'm this lazy with my school work. But ugh I should just close my laptop and listen. I'll do my blog homework later. Be prepared for some blunt, uncomfortable writing if anyone is reading.

<3

I couldn't title a post because too many ideas were swirling around in my head...

I know that I said I wasn't going to write in here anymore, however I feel like I have no choice. I have things on my mind that are heavy. Things that would probably make other people uncomfortable if I walked up to them and started talking about them. And since I know that most people don't read this, it feels like a safe place to open up. So we'll start with some good updates first. I had a really great, eventful weekend. Friday we had an awesome sisterhood event at Neiman Marcus. It was a Dior makeup party. I bought some sweet blue mascara, which I am currently sporting. Then after the sisterhood event, I spent a ton of money getting waxed but oh boy it was so worth it. Smooth legs for at least 3 weeks possibly a month. Fantastic. Then after that I got to dance the night away with my sisters, Gretchen, Ashley, Kassi, Erica & Bridgette at the Pitbull concert at the House of Blues. It was super fun, minus the hours we waited to watch him perform. Then Saturday was fun. Just a relaxing day. Hung out with people, tutored and then got ready and went to the game with my sisters. It was such an awesome game to watch and we WON which is incredible. Then we all went to Snuffers afterward and ate all kinds of delicious food that shouldn't have been eaten that late at night but hey, it's vacation right? Then Sunday morning I got up bright and early to finish packing for my trip to Joe's house in Lawton, Oklahoma with Ronnie, Tyler, and Scott. It was a blast. His family was so nice and his mom was the BEST cook. Oh man.. soo good. We went on all kinds of adventures, a couple trips to the casino where I watched all the boys gamble and I played the part of lady luck. They won soo much money it was ridiculous! I then decided to come back a day early so that I could get stuff done today because I'm going to have a very busy week with Dad's weekend and all. Speaking of that we can start transitioning into the point of this whole post, which quite frankly isn't to update the world on the events and activities that took place during my weekend. Basically I'm just going to dive right into it. While sitting in the backseat of the car, late at night with rain drops streaking across the side windows of Ronnie's Mustang, I began thinking about this week and what it means and the juxtaposition of certain events and certain days, mainly tomorrow, the 14th and this weekend which happens to be Dad's weekend. Tomorrow marks 6 years of my life that I have lived without my father. Six of, in my opinion, the most defining years of a girls life. I was only 14 when he took his life. He missed out on getting to know who I am. As a 14-year-old girl, I didn't know anything. I was completely naive and only cared about me, me, me. I didn't want to bother getting to know the two people who had raised me to be who I am. It just makes me so, so sad to think about how much he has missed. That six years have been able to go by. Then I sit here and seesaw between the feelings of deep sadness and red-hot bitter anger. "Why did he leave?" "I miss his laugh" "He never got to know me and didn't care to" "I wish I could fly him to SMU for Dad's weekend" It's just a lot of mixed up emotions and as soon as I start getting sad I remember that he left and it was his choice and I get angry. I almost say to myself, "Well thanks for nothing, asshole. Thank goodness I have Craig to pick up where you left. Where you failed." And I really really am thankful and immensely blessed to have Craig in my life. He has been an amazing father to me and I have so much fun with him. We've had several times where we have just been able to sit together and talk about life and bond. He has been a really special and important part of my life. So tomorrow I am conflicted as to the way I should respond, what I should do, how I should feel. Anyway, I really have to start working on this research paper. I'm definitely behind.

I started writing a post and then accidentally pushed the X and lost it all...

Wow so obnoxious... Well in the post I was just writing, I was commenting about discouraged I am at the fact that I have no readers. I think this might be my last post on here because quite frankly I don't feel like trying to think of something interesting and clever to say if I have absolutely no audience. I might as well go back to my livejournal and start posting privately again. It actually makes me kind of sad. I thought maybe some people would take an interest in what I had to say but I guess it's kind of the same way in real life and really no one wants to hear about your opinions or your day because it really has nothing to do with them. So... on that note, I guess I'll be taking a long leave of absence until I regain confidence.

Goodbye.

I started writing a post the night before and then woke up and finished it...

I find myself sitting here in the Boy's Room drinking a delicious cup of Winter Dream tea that my dear friend Sean, who works at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf back home, sent to me last Spring. It has lasted me this long because I save it for good days. Today has been one of those. I can't really complain about anything. Art wasn't too frustrating and I had no hard tests or boring lectures today. It was great. Oh and tutoring was so much less painful today. They were just getting it. It was such a treat. Oh and then after tutoring Banta and I went to Sig Ep's SMU Gladiators night and it was a blast! We got to run around like little kids playing a bunch of games in inflatable bouncing contraptions. We got some free t-shirts out of it, it was also a good workout, and I got to hang out with all my favorite Sig Ep's. Killed like 3 different birds with that one stone. Oh and I just have to say that I am in LOVE with Asher Book's beautiful voice. Oh goodness it melts my heart.

Well I guess I just didn't finish out my thoughts last night. Ok so I'm slightly concerned because my throat is starting to hurt and this just cannot happen. So I woke up and took my One-a-day Women's vitamin and then drank some Emergen-C and I'm hoping that will boost my immunity enough so that I don't become ill. Crossing my fingers... But for now this Winter Dream tea is very soothing. I don't have anything extremely funny or pressing to share with whoever is reading. Except I sometimes wonder if any really reads this. It's not very interesting. I know a lot of people read Mallory's blog. That'd be so cool if people looked forward to reading my posts. Alright well I've got to get ready for the day. I only have one class and then Program Council is having free Mr. Softee ice-cream today at the flagpole from 11-1. Yumsicles. And then after that I have brunch so this is going to be a great day.

P.S. check this out if you have time. It's an awesome cause.
http://mochaclub.org/joinme/mdekkers